From Brighton to Bradford via London and Leeds, linking up the the four places my friend Ro lived, and holding sessions for bereaved friends along the way
By Nina Carter-Brown
A while ago I was walking in woods near to where I live, thinking about the upcoming months. I got to November and my mind went immediately to the 12th of November which would be a year since Rimoaine, my best friend, died. While I was imagining that day and how difficult and painful it might be, I had a very immediate and deep moment of clarity in what has been a confusing year, and knew I wanted to walk.
I realised that for me at this time one day wouldn’t be enough, I needed to walk with my grief for a longer period of time. I considered some well-known long-distance routes, but wanted this walk to be meaningful to Ro and quite soon came up with the idea of Brighton to Bradford, via London and Leeds which are the four places he lived, and also makes for some nice alliteration!
I had a very immediate and deep moment of clarity in what has been a confusing year, and knew I wanted to walk
I enjoy walking, moving forwards one step at a time, I’ve done some longer walks/pilgrimages always with other people and for around a week. I like how immersive it becomes – it’s not always comfortable or easy but gives me opportunities to gain new inner and outer perspectives. It can be physically demanding, but in another way is relaxing – no need to think about where to go, how to get there, what to pack, what to wear, and just be in nature and hopefully be present with my thoughts and feelings.
My dad told me about Slow Ways which is an ambitious citizen-made peer-reviewed national walking network. A Slow Way is a route for walking, or wheeling, between two places – neighbouring cities, towns and villages – using a wide variety of existing paths, ways, trails and roads.
I love their vision and the opportunities and possibilities it opens up, and was able to use their map to create my ‘waylist’, a personalised route made up of shorter routes which can be downloaded as gpx maps. Each Slow Way needs to be positively reviewed three times before it can become verified, and I’ll be supporting the project by reviewing some of my routes along the way.
Healing through hospitality
I think hospitality is one of the best things about humanity, the opening of a heart and a home, and have experienced it in beautiful and sometimes surprising ways around the world, as well as offering what I can to others. Each night on my journey north I’ll be staying with friends, or friends of friends, or sometimes strangers (thanks to my mum asking local churches if someone can host me) and I’m so grateful in advance for the warmth, bed, food, shower and conversations at the end of each day.
Another thing that I wanted to do on my walk was create spaces for people to come together to share stories and memories of friends who have died, and for these friends to be held by everyone as a witness to their lives, honouring and remembering them. In doing this we can acknowledge the importance of friendship and celebrate it through tears and laughter, understanding and love. I realised when Ro died there weren’t many spaces specifically for friend bereavement and I do believe there is a place for it, and am grateful to those who are creating these spaces and allowing possibilities of connection. I’ll be holding these spaces in Brighton, London, Leicester, Sheffield, Leeds and Bradford; it is an open invitation so please come along if you would like to.
I’ve started something monthly in Bradford and called it Their Light Shines On, so this is what I wanted to call these evenings (and one morning – Leeds!). Everyone is welcome, to share a story or memory of a friend, to share their friend’s name, or maybe to listen and hold the space.
Please spread the word to anyone who might be interested. There is more detail on the flyers on my blog. Please do spread the word.
London – Tuesday 12th November 7.30-8.30pm at Kiln Theatre (John Lyon Space)
Leicester – Wednesday 20th November 7.30-8.30pm at Holy Cross Church (Frassati Centre)
Sheffield – Tuesday 26th November 7.30 – 8.30pm at the Quaker Meeting House
Leeds – Saturday 30th November 10.30-11.30am at John Lewis (Community Hub 4th Floor)
Bradford – Monday 2nd December 7.30 – 8.30pm at Common Space
It has taken a huge amount of emotional energy to actually plan this walk, I would get lost in the detail but then have to stop when I remembered why I am doing this, the pain of my best friend being dead is always present.
I’ve never written a diary or kept a journal but I am hoping to write something each day on my blog here. My journey begins in Brighton today, the 8th of November, and I’ll arrive at my destination Bradford on 30th November. I couldn’t have even got to this point without all the love, support and encouragement from family and friends, I’m more grateful than I can express in words. Thank you for joining me on my walk home, remembering Ro. I miss Ro so much, every day, but I know that I’m walking with him (and he’s also with me when I’m drinking coffee and eating cake!)
Love Nina X
